


Coffee, Meadows

by VoltageStone



Series: Jori Collections 2018/2019 [6]
Category: Victorious
Genre: F/F, One-Shot(s), Two-Shot (Technically)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-10
Updated: 2018-09-11
Packaged: 2019-07-10 18:18:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15954872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VoltageStone/pseuds/VoltageStone
Summary: Coffee... "You could... You nearly... No. You did..."Meadows... "She doesn't need a Godly light on her—because she is one, all on her own..."





	1. Coffee

**Author's Note:**

> So, basically, these two are one-shots, because they can stand on their own, but they're of the same story. And because of that, I uploaded them the away I did as you can see...
> 
> Hope you enjoy!  
> :)

Everything's busy, and it irritates you. There isn't room for you to think like there always is. Not by the chalkboard with the perfectly drawn menu—which never impressed you anyway. Not by the stools set up at the front, which has a row of business-looking men with wide newspapers. The tables are crowded with talkative people, too, and the couch that sits in the middle is flooded with mothers and their rowdy kids.

All at seven-thirty when the sun has already disappeared under the horizon.

You look down at the slip of paper in your tense hands. Frowning, you move your thumb; within the hour of clamping so hard on it, you've managed to smudge the thick, bold print.

**_Stargazer II: Reckoning Force_ —6:10pm.**

Because it was worthless, you decide to let it go. It flutters into a small trashcan which was immediately filled with another three cups of garbage. _As if none of it mattered_ , you think bitterly. The lengthy line (because there's that too) shortens, and you follow because damn it, you want to put yourself through something. To think, at least. But, as you know, you can't because of the packed, small space around you. Your head's being played with until it melts into a mass of sludge as you step forward once, and then twice, and then five times, eight, eleven...

"Good evening, what could I get for you today?"

You blink at the cheery employee, who had her hair tied up in a tight ponytail, almost as tight as her smile. There's bags under her eyes, and her make-up is not as sharp as it had been when originally applied. And because you completely understand her, you give yourself the same, fake smile. "Black coffee, two—" You pause, reconsidering. "Black coffee, three sugars." You need something that'll slap you. So three sugars, not two.

"Okay," the barista nods as she mumbles, "that's three dollars and ninety-five. Name?"

"Jade and here," you grumble, almost throwing her five dollars. "Keep the change." The barista looked almost relieved at not having to count bills and coins.

"Have a good day."

You purse your lips. "Sure."

You wait off to the side, with others. They watch their watches or phones, and you decide you should too. Once opening to the home screen, your eyes trail to the fourteen missed messages and calls collectively. Instead of checking the time, you turn off your phone entirely, and stuff it into your pocket. There wasn't any need. You didn't need to look at any of them. Not now.

"Derek!"

The man beside you moves to the counter, grabbing his own drink and sandwich. Wasn't he before you? You think so.

"Jade!" Yes, he was. You move to the counter and grab the one item you bought without so much a smile. And then you walk straight out the café, and into the brisk night air. It's cold against your cheeks, but the coffee helps with that. It also helps to sit you down, your mind free to think through _everything_.

Where did this shit show start? You swallow two gulps at a time, groaning into your cup. It burns your throat, though you don't mind. You deserve it, right?

You do...don't you?

**. . .**

The door opened, and there they were. Tori and Beck, her hands vigorously rubbing _whatever_ off his chest. "Dude, why you rubbing on my boyfriend?" It was the first thing to fly out of your mouth, your annoyance at its maximum.

Beck whipped around as did Tori, each watching you with their dark, deep eyes. Beck's were as puppy-like as ever, but Tori's... If you knew what trouble she'd bring you, you would've bolted. Now, you did know she'd bring trouble, but more of the _I'll-keep-him-and-she'll-try-to-steal-him-from-me_ trouble.

You were wrong.

Oh, you were so wrong.

**. . .**

Your drink is certainly lighter in your hands, eyes travelling aimlessly around you. The light pole is a shit one; it flickers in fear whenever a moth flutters near it. People pass by without another thought, almost brushing against your knees. You don't blend into the bench, do you? You're wearing all black, for Christ's sake. The bench isn't _even_ a dark brown. But then you remember that _your_ phone is off, but theirs' aren't.

You growl, sipping on your paper mug again. There's a chatty couple across the street. They have to be. They're holding hands, wearing the same damn shoes and smiles. _A nuisance_ , you think. Can't they see you across street, needing silence on a bench?

Of course they didn't. Why? Because they were happy with _their_ lives, that's why.

You grumble bitterly again. You had that, but now you don't. And why is that? Tori...and you. Mostly, mostly it was you, but she was a big reason. Yes. She was trouble, but not in a _steal-your-boyfriend_ kind-of-way.

Nope, it wasn't like that.

**. . .**

You heard soft giggles as the two of you made your way across the parking lot. When you turned around, Tori was looking back towards the school. "Do you think he noticed?"

With your answer, you nodded, "Yeah. He's not stupid, he's just dumb enough to let us go." Tori chuckled in agreement. And you caught a flash of her straight, white teeth, and that sent a swarm of butterflies to your gut—or killer bees, since it's the same exasperating feeling you've had for a couple of months. You continued to walk to your car, which you saved up for since fourteen, and Tori jogged to catch up.

"Wait," she said, "I don't..."

"What?" you growled.

"I don't have a ride. Trina's supposed to pick me up in three hours, or four, and...yeah."

You worked your jaw before sighing. "Fine. I'll drop you—wait, your parents will know something's up."

Tori nodded. She chewed the inside of her cheek as an idea formed. And it was one that you already knew what she was going to ask: "So, can we hang-out or something? Go and eat?"

And wouldn't you know, the killer bees flipped your gut and your body didn't even _try_ to resist. But you did. Oh, _you_ certainly did. "How long does it take to walk to your house?"

"Uh, I don't know...thirty minutes? Maybe forty."

Perfect. "You can just walk really, really slowly and get there on time."

Tori scowled, folding her arms. "What, _no_! I can't walk! It's too hot out, and I look like a homeless person!" You looked at her clothes. They were loose, easy to take off so you can bend her over your car's hood and—

_What. The. Actual. FUCK. Jade?_

"Alright!" you snarled, promptly spooking Tori. "Fine, _fine_ , I'll take you and we'll go somewhere. _Only_ ," you bore your teeth, trying to get the image of her submission over your car out of your head, "because I want to." Tori eased a light smile, prancing to your car's passenger side. You felt yourself sink into a lake of mud, unable to climb out or disappear completely. You stalked towards your side of the car, slid in and started the engine. As she clambered to her seat, your buckle wasn't been fastened yet. Instead, you watched her own click.

Just ignore yours, let it fly to the side as you put your hand on her lap. Turn off the engine, but leave the AC on, and straddle her. Kiss her furiously, grind the insane bloom of heat in between your legs against her hips, and let the privacy of the sun-shade on your window do its job. That's how you could've passed the time: letting your body explore and have Tori squirm underneath you.

But that's not what happened.

Instead, you'd gone to a café, ignored her with a magazine as your legs crossed in an attempt to manage the raging war. When she was back home, that's when you'd climb into your bed, and take it into your own compulsive, trembling hands.

And then you'd belittle everything good thing she gave you, just so that you wouldn't have a reason to do anything you wanted to.

Yes. That's exactly what happened.

**. . .**

_And it still didn't fucking work._

Her smile dances around your head as you continue to sip at your paper mug, even though it has been empty for several minutes. Standing up, you toss the drink easily into the trash can, and stuff your hands into your jacket. With your keys in one and a pocket-knife in the other, you meander into the small parking lot. Your head pounds, but there's an obvious path now. A path you didn't want to think about for a long, long time. Over the summer, into the beginning of this year.

You've been digging yourself into a paradox for a whole year now.

A whole year of her smile.

A whole year of your internal demands.

You snap back to reality, only momentarily, once your car blinks. You see the inside light fade on, and the headlights twinkle. Only, you sink back into your own world as you climb in, shutting the door behind you. It really doesn't help that this is the same car you saved up for since fourteen. It really doesn't.

**. . .**

Your whimpers grew more quiet as her nails raked your back calmly, your mascara now staining the shoulder of her blue shirt— _Let The Good Times Roll_ your ass—instead of her late grandmother's pillow. You didn't know _how_ you managed to get close enough to hear her heartbeat, nor did you jerk when her lips gently pressed themselves at the top of your head. You knew that it was just a way to calm you, something that her mother probably did, but you still felt secure. Less lonely.

You didn't fight when your body clung onto her. She was better than any security blanket you ever had, even the one you dumped just a day ago. All because what, some stupid woman? Alyssa Vau-whatever. No...and you knew that.

It was all because of this moment, just to see if you can manage without anybody else.

Of course, you _couldn't_. All you wanted to do while you cry pitifully on her shoulder is to return her kiss—on her lips, instead.

Just a peck, though. Just a peck.

**. . .**

You're still in your car, which is now dark and quiet. You guess, since your phone's still off, that it's been ten minutes. Of nothing, but thinking. Which is what you wanted, right? You pull the device from your back pocket and drop it into your cupholder.

You reach for the ignition, which does hold your keys, but nothing. Your brow deeply settles into a scowl as you catch your reflection in your phone. It stares back, just as hostile and disdainful.

**. . .**

Dim, granite, wide mirrors, wood, shit (not decorated, but still there)—that was what the bathroom comprised of. And women in the other stalls, leaving the handicapped at the end open. Open for you and her. There was a swing in your gut, pouncing at the opportunity. "Come on, we can go in there," you said.

Tori whipped around. "It's one stall Jade! We can't—"

"But we can. You're wasting everybody's time and might as well do something about it," you snapped. Perhaps you were too eager. You're heart was rapidly beating and throat tight.

"But...it's one stall."

"And it's the biggest one here, and we're not waiting. How would that work anyway?" She pursed her lips at that, and you knew you'd perfectly baited her.

Only—you knew before anyhow—she had one more thing to give. "Why can't we just wait?"

You looked towards the stalls, which were still occupied. And while there was still life behind those stalls (surely they didn't die to the over-exposure of caviar), you thought that they were too confused to come out. "Just come on," you hissed, grabbing her wrist. She begrudgingly nodded before letting you haul her away to the very end. The door was shut, leaving the two of you in a rather big yet small space.

"So...how do we do this?" she asked. It was a good question.

"We'll take them off and put them on the handrail," you said before adding, for your own need, "no looking."

"And if it drops?"

"Then we'll pick it up!"

"And if something drops in..." Her eyes traveled to the innocent toilet.

"Then _you'll_ pick it up!" You were given a hearty glare, one that sent a rush of tangles to your gut, only to travel between your legs. She was the one to turn around first, keen to have the mess over with. And then you started to pull your dress off, then your heels and tights. As told by you, the articles of clothing were set on the handrail. You took the pants as she the tights, and tugged them on. Barely a size smaller, but doable.

You then reached for the shirt as Tori still shuffled from the other side of the stall. And, as expected, it had fallen onto the floor off of the slippery rail. You picked it up, but paused. Something molten had bloomed in your chest as you stood, maneuvering with the red shirt. There was a pair of long, slim legs in your tights. _Fuck..._ You swallowed, barely conscious that your efforts in putting on the shirt were weak.

Until you realized that she had finished putting on the tights, and was going to reach for the dress itself—which had also fallen to the floor. As you quickly turned around and pulled the shirt over your chest, Tori grabbed the dress behind you. A couple of seconds was given, and then you turned for the jacket. But your eyes weren't on blue, no. They were on black and bronze. Your heart wasn't beating rapidly anymore as you stared at her back, long hair tumbling down. It came in slow though painful beats.

It was then that you discovered just how easy it would be to drop the jacket that hung limp from your hand. It would be easy to come up from behind, and wrap your arms around her flat stomach, and kiss at the crook of her neck. Maybe, in your mind, she would drop the dress and allow your lips to roam, as your hand travelled underneath your tights and...

You snatched the jacket roughly and jerked it on, a scowl plastered onto your face. Your chest—not just the heart—had jolted once she turned around, eyes trailing to you. After a few agonizing minutes of still shuffling and sink faucets from outside the door, there was a gentle touch to your wrist.

"Hey..." she barely whispered. You looked at her, her deep, ethereal eyes staring just as intently. "Come on, I don't want to waste any more time."

You nodded softly, following her numbly from the bathroom. As you left, she let go of your wrist and gave a gentle wave towards the table. It took everything not to just snatch her hand back.

**. . .**

The engine hums to life, and you buckle yourself. Your hands grip the wheel, but again...nothing. You swallow that same horrible knot, your nails digging into the wearing leather of the steering wheel. Where are you going? Right back to the intersection, and then your house? Or left, to another intersection and...

You growl to yourself, almost blinking away one night, shoved back to the corner of your mind. It was always there, always lurking. It tugged at your sleeve constantly, begging you attention. And it wasn't small either. It was a large, black shadow that loomed over you.

It didn't want to be ignored.

Not any longer.

**. . .**

Everybody was downstairs, mulling around in the late-night celebration of _not_ being banned from Karaoke Dokie. That involved some sodas and a movie, Trina being tied up and semi-gagged at the foot of the couch. In her drug-induced state, she enjoyed watching _Frozen_. Nobody else did, of course. Though the boys were once again tasked with watching Trina, and Cat was fascinated with the large bowl of popcorn.

And that left you and Tori, alone, in her bedroom. She folded her arms nervously as you shut the door behind you as instructed. The blinds on her windows were opened, allowing the moon to peer through. She didn't bother with the lights. Instead, Tori turned to you, her eyes curious. "I never got to ask you," she murmured, though left it at that.

You arched a brow. "What?"

"Why did you pick me to do that? Sing, I mean."

You shrugged simply. "Well, you were the only one that can do it," you answered.

"Really?"

There was a nod. "Yeah. They wouldn't've recognized you." She gave a weak smile and half a chuckle, still holding her arm sheepishly. Your gut tugged, and you added, "But nobody would've been able to play those bitches like that."

"You would've..." she murmured quietly.

"Not like you."

That got her attention—and quickly. She frowned with puzzlement as you continued to watch her, your own brows furrowing. There it was again: your gut and that heat. You could... You nearly...

No.

You did.

You leaned in and kissed her—hard with a needing passion. Quickly did you pull away, heart drumming and mind spinning. Neither of you could fathom why _you_ , of all damn people, would do such a thing. But the two of you didn't care, throwing away the second's worth of thought. She responded with a fiery one of her own, pulling you back into her. Her hand clutched your jaw as you pulled her hips to yours. And oh, did that make the brewing heat worse.

It needed to be _gone_. Gone but explored.

"Jade?" Tori pulled away, not enough to rip herself from your grasp, but to stare into your eyes. Hers were dark, not the same, timid doe eyes but the feisty coffee ones you always knew were there.

"Bed, _now_ ," you grumbled, your voice rough and mind frantic. It's been since what, six or seven months since November? No, your brain wasn't working. Four. It was four, not seven. And with that, you tried to imagine how your body would implode, leaving hot muscles all over your walls if that happened. It was simple: You desperately needed to get rid of whatever was growing, whatever Tori was feeding so amply.

Like the kiss, you didn't expect her to nod.

Did you argue? Fuck no.

Instead, you pushed her back and let her fall onto her bed. Tori propped herself with her elbows as you straddled her. Lips quickly drew themselves together, stuck in an enticing dance as hands roamed, slipping almost hesitantly underneath her shirt. Your hips began to rock, causing your breaths to grow heavy, the bed to creak quietly and Tori to grab your back in a firm clutch. She planted languid kisses down your neck, stopping to nibble and suck by your collarbone. Tori let your hips move harder against her body, a weak, shuddering groan passing your lips.

It was as if she needed your moan against her ear to flip you to your back. You almost pant—it was a mix between heavy breathing and grunting—with your legs still hooked around her waist. Tori watched you, the moon's light through a broken blind at the top of the window shining across her cheekbones disjointedly. Slowly, she pulled her crop-top and undershirt over her head in one motion, with a concentrated, somewhat bashful expression. She seemed to have relaxed at your lidded eyes, hands running along her back and hips.

You smirked at her before leaning forward. She tittered quietly as you kissed a little below her bra, teeth raking her skin. And then you suckled, greedy to see some physical evidence that you, _Jade West_ , were there, on _her_ body.

When you pulled away, somewhat surprised that she bruised so easily. Not that you were complaining, of course—it was a great thing.

Your own shirt was stripped once you untangled yourself from her waist. Her eyes were drawn to your body, following the curves that she didn't have (and probably wanted). It didn't matter. In one way or another, she'll have it. "Come on..." you murmured, enticing her to crawl across her bed. Her fingers trailed curiously across your stomach, becoming more confident with each stroke.

Another round of feverish kisses started, this time leading her to her pillows, and you over her, tucking a lock of hair behind your ear. And before you could even control it, a smile broke across your lips. Tori returned it, with a peck to your cheek. Your hands work to free your chest of its confines, and so does she. After the bras are tossed to the side you took the time to actually look at her. Tori breathed slowly, her breasts moving with the motions and visible ribs (not like a xylophone, you think, but _faultless_ ), with her dark nipples hard. You give them attention, hands moving to the rim of her pants as nails run across your shoulders.

You begin to play with her buckle, which was off to the side instead of at the center of her pants. (She _did_ originally want it to look normal, though you reminded her that the belt would sit weirdly. That was five hours ago, when all you wanted to do was run your hands through her disheveled hair.) You look at her hips briefly, before watching her sensual eyes for permission. Not only were you granted, her hand hurriedly unfastened both the belt and button, wriggling as you pulled her pants away.

You made sure that the pants were tossed far from the bed as you considered peeling off the last layer of stained clothing too. But her increasingly nervous stare said otherwise, so you only grinned and kissed her full lips.

Why hadn't you done this before? Feel her hands hold your back, pressing your chests together? Grind your hips into her own, letting her whimper every time your buckle pressed against a sweet, tender spot? There was a reason...but you couldn't fathom it. Not with Tori gliding her tongue with yours. Not when you pressed your own tender spot against hers, groaning quietly.

The bed rocked at a slow, rhythmic pace. "God Jade," she moaned against your neck.

"Fuck," is your response as you fidgeted, finding your body throbbing against her hips. With every thrust you gave, a bolt of tremors raced through you. Your efforts to hold out long enough for her became blurred with every small whimper and moan she gave. You just couldn't do it. Not for how long you've been waiting for this, _fantasizing_. Teeth find their place at her neck, and your gut lurched at the feel of her groan. You needed it. You desperately needed her to be the reason that you were thrown over that brink. The bed's constant creaks mirrored your intense desire to give in, letting _nothing_ get in the way of your release.

A sharp, guttural whine escaped your lips and sank into her skin like your teeth. She whimpered as you shivered against her, burrowing deep into her hips.

But your hips still moved. Slowly and less punctuated, sure. Though Tori _must_ feel the way you felt, riding her the way you did.

Your hands planted themselves beside her pillows, eyes unmoving as you continued to push and shove. She groaned, and you liked the way her mouth curled, eyes more hazy. Loved it, in fact. "Yes Jade..." she moaned. If you loved her below you before, now you treasured it. Tori was now your lost fortune, marked with a fat X that was red and angry on her neck.

 _Come on. Almost..._ You felt her glide right along the edge. Nothing would strip either of you from this. Nothing would have you leave her as insane as you had been for the past...however long you decided before.

Nothing...except for the creaks along the floorboards that were far too close for comfort. Your hips jerked to a stop, ears pounding. Tori was quiet, shaking underneath you with her anxiety.

"Yo, are Tori and Jade outside?" For a moment, your heart lurched up to your throat. You gulped, furrowing your brows as Andre waited for an answer.

"No, they're in her room," Cat called from the couch. You practically heard Tori scream internally as she wiggled, propping herself with an elbow.

"Yeah." At your chest, you felt your heart freeze, lungs collapse and throat run dry. "I think they're talking about the project for Sikowitz, or about tonight."

Beck. Your _boyfriend_.

 _Fuck...FUCK_. You launched yourself off of Tori and from your high. She seemed to have had the same thought, covering herself with what sheets and pillows she could muster. You distantly hear Andre mutter something, and then close the door behind him to the bathroom. _You're not available, so what the hell are you doing fucking her? With him downstairs!_

You felt sick to your stomach, guilt coming up as bile in your mouth. You take a shaken breath of cold air in order to manage it, not even casting a glance towards Tori. _She didn't even_ _— No, she shouldn't've anyway._

"We're not going to talk about this," you said in a hollow, quiet voice. From your peripheral vision, Tori nodded in agreement. "We're never going to _do_ this again," you added sternly. She nodded once again, though slower. "Never again," you whispered, to yourself. Never would you touch her like this, pin her to her bed and let your body go, never mind _think_. Fantasize, even.

**. . .**

But you still do.

And you hope she does too, even though you hate yourself for it.

Your eyes trail to your now blurry hand, black still smudged from the movie ticket. What's done is done, and maybe you won't hate yourself for it anymore. You wipe your eyes with your sleeve, conflicted. What's done is done, and there's no turning back.

Except, you _could_ , and be even more lonely.

No. You drive. You think about the black smudges on your thumb and drive.

**. . .**

You stared at the ticket in your hand, his hand nervously tapping the dashboard. Beck glanced at you, brows furrowed. "You know...we can always watch another movie. I just thought you'd like that one since you liked the first."

**_Stargazer II: Reckoning Force_ **

You swallowed a large lump in your throat, but it only rolled back. He was showering you with gifts as he had for the past few weeks. What else could he do? Talk? No, that was laughable. Seduce you to a good night? No. He hasn't come close since...

 _You have to tell him,_ your thoughts gather. _You can't do this anymore._

"...Jade? Come on, you're starting to scare me."

"You said that last week," you growled.

"Jade, then you're _really_ scaring me," Beck said. "Come on babe." He saw you tense, and backpedaled. "Jade, what's going on? You know you can tell me, right? I can help, we can fix anything." As soon as you mustered the courage to look at him, you realized your mistake. Beck watched you carefully, with his dark, honest eyes. It's the first time in _months_ since you've actually studied them, your gaze flickering across his nose. Does he see the lies behind yours? Can he tell the deceit? No, because as much as Beck is a great, great guy, he could never truly tell.

Which is why you have to. Now. With words.

But you can't do that properly either, so you snatch your eyes away and wring your wrists.

"Jade, babe, what's wrong?"

As he reached his comforting hand to your shoulder, you muttered, "You can't."

"W-what?"

You gulped down the last of your silence and repeated yourself, and then some: "You can't _stay_ with me. That's...that's what's wrong."

Beck's hand retracted, settling in the middle. As he rested it on the cupholders, he stumbled over his words. "So... I- _What_? What do you mean? I- I'm not doing anything wrong, am I?"

"No, no Beck... You've been perfect. You've _always_ been perfect."

"Jade," he gave a soft, weak laugh, "if this is about you worrying about people comparing you to me again, you don't need to worry. We're past that. We're seniors now, not freshmen." You glowered to the glove department, imagining the skinny, frail-looking girl alone on the stairs with the same, suave Beck who sat beside you now; only, the girl then would've killed for him to notice her, but now you want the opposite, don't you? You've played with him, and now you'll leave him in a sandbox for the better, newer toy.

Only, you hated that analogy, so you ignored it.

"Jade...come on. We'll work this out, like al—"

"I cheated."

You're frozen, staring across the parking lot, not willing to give him a glance. You can't. But you know he was just as shock,ed trying to blink away the confusing cloud of denial. Or maybe he just didn't hear, not with his usual train of thought.

"I- You... You what?" he breathed in disbelief.

_You're a fucking hypocrite._

That's what brought your eyes to sting. You berated him for looking at a girl who picked up his paper and pencil, but then you found yourself imagining your hands all over her whenever possible. Better yet, you humped yourself to orgasm on a girl while he was on another floor of the same house.

"I- I cheated."

"With who?" He sounded angry then, and you couldn't do anything about it. In fact, you took it, fair and square. "With, with Andre?"

"No."

"Eli?"

"No."

"Er, uh," he floundered, hands fiddling the air has he tried to pick apart his class. "Robbie, Sinjin, Burf, Steven, Jake, Daniel, Sid—"

"No, no, _no, NO_!" you snarled, balling your fists. "Tori. It was _Tori_ , for fuck's sake."

The Bronco dipped into another terrifying silence, one that you tap your foot nervously at. He tried to convey something you didn't know—or did but couldn't admit. Eventually he cleared his throat and hoarsely murmured, "Tori? Like...Tori Fraski?"

"No," you groaned, exasperated.

"Uh, uh, Verrado? Gomez? Taylor?"

You cried out, "No! Vega! I fucked Vega when we were watching movies after Karaoke Dokie, okay?"

Beck sniffed, rubbing his stinging eyes. "No you didn't. No you _didn't_. You couldn't've. You were downstairs the whole time." You laughed through tears at something that wasn't funny, but devastating. You never could laugh at only the funny things, could you?

"No. Beck, no, stop." You shook your head, biting your knuckles for a moment. "You were worried about that bruise, remember?"

"Are you _fucking_ "—Beck slammed a hand at the steering wheel, the car rocking with it—"kidding me?!" His breaths were hard and angry, clashing against his soft and wet eyes. "This... You better tell me this was the only damn time."

"Yes, we haven't done anything since then," you answered quietly.

Beck clenched his teeth, gripping the steering wheel until his knuckles grew white. "God Jade." His hands relaxed. " _God_ Jade... Why the fuck would you sleep with her?"

"I don't know."

"Did, did you want to _before_?" he asked.

"I- I _don't_ know." _Liar. You damn liar..._ "Yes, I- Well, I- I don't know." _Liar._

Beck shook his head, leaning into his seat. "Why didn't you say anything? _Anything_ except... _God_ , we broke up! You could've just moved on!"

"I know _that_!" you had the audacity to hiss.

"Then why _didn't you_?"

"I- I don't know..."

He pursed his lips and growled something unintelligible. "That isn't going to cut it," was, however.

"I kno—"

"That won't either." You swallowed, the heavy ball in your throat sinking. "Just...just get out. Please." His words were calm, controlled. You nodded, stepping from the seat and shutting the door behind you. You glanced over your shoulder, your chest hammering. He collapsed into his hands and shuddered with quaking howls.

But you continued to walk away, the ticket still in your hand.

**. . .**

There's a soft _beep_ behind you as you trudge your way through the lawn. There's already two cars in her driveway, and you don't want to get close to them. Nor do you want the owners to see what you want from their daughter. So, it's better to leave dark patches across the lawn than to leave a print or scratch on the Fords. You've already done that today, except it wasn't a scratch but a gash, and to a heart and not a truck that obviously needed repairs.

You step to the door, and hesitate. It was impossible for her to be sleeping at this hour, especially since Tori frequently complained about being up too late. You can't even imagine how late she'd be on a weekend night. But that didn't stop you from proposing the idea. Nor does this stop you from waiting for minutes, debating whether or not this was _actually_ a good idea. You pinch the bridge of your nose, grumbling to yourself quietly.

What was done is done, and nothing could change that.

Nothing, except your firm knock on the door. Tori would know who it was...she would know.

The door opens not a minute later, and it's Tori. She smiles softly, her worn and tired face still adamant. "Hey, what are you doing here?"

You didn't answer immediately. And when you do, you mutter, "Can I come in?"

"Uh, sure, yeah... Come in," she answers as you stroll pass her anyway.

She shuts the door and locks it, then turns to you. You're already on the couch, your head too packed and disoriented to stand. Tori sits beside you, setting the remote to the television—a stupid show with false advertising (nobody was dying) was on—onto the coffee table. "How are you...?" you ask, catching her off-guard.

"I- oh, um...fine. Good, I think." You smile faintly, hands clasped together and eyes drawn to the floor.

A smirk then replaces the smile. "So bashing Ryder in front of everybody helped?"

Tori chuckles, and then nods. "Yeah. I guess so."

You seem to have grown confident over the bare minute you've been here. "Wouldn't be the first time." Out of the corner of your eye, you see her shift. She rubs the back of her neck wearily, her lips pursed and brow tensed.

Tori stumbles, caught at the throat. She tries a few times, though finds herself breathless. It's only when she closes her eyes, not able to see a fragment of you, when she says weakly, "You said we weren't going to talk about it." She wasn't lying. And because of that, you keep quiet. The silence is drawn out, forcing her to give a solid glance towards you. "Jade, why are you here?"

Coffee. Coffee calmed you before, eased your thoughts so you could think clearly. And it would again, as she stares at you now and later when she... _if_ she found herself against her pillows, and you bringing her to euphoria. "Do you want the truth or me to ask about him again?"

Her brow creases, and you can't bother to restrain yourself. You cup her cheek and run your thumb across her chin. She doesn't have a choice _but_ to look at you, her hand gliding to yours. "Jade...you said—"

"So I lied."

"But, but _Beck_."

"I know," you admit. "But he's out of the picture."

Tori swallows, her blinks puzzled. "What?"

"I couldn't do it anymore, so I broke up with him...last week."

She shakes her head, leaning into your hand absentmindedly. "I, I don't understand. W-why?"

Sure she did. You knew from the hopeful gimmer in her eyes that she needed you to say it. "Isn't it obvious?" you ask coyly instead. Tori only smiles and laughs before her arms wrap around your neck, pulling you into a deep kiss. As you continue to hold her, lips move feverishly. You whisper sweet, swooning melodies, to which she giggles and kisses you intensely.

And you wonder why it took you so many minutes, so many hours to do this. Days, weeks, _months_ really. It was easy, so, so very simple.

You smile against her at the thought.


	2. Meadows

Your parent's bedroom door closes, and now you're alone in front of the television. What are you watching again? You click on the remote beside you, and check the guide. Right. _Celebrities Underwater_. "Hey Tori?"

"Yeah?" you yell towards their room.

"Do you have that play tomorrow? Or is it next week?"

You roll your eyes. Of course your dad wouldn't remember, even after explaining the schedule to him once he saw the calendar. "Rehearsal's tomorrow and the play's next week," you answer.

"Alrighty then. Goodnight sweetie!"

"Night!"

The house is quiet again, and your still wondering why on Earth you're watching this show instead of doing something more productive. Like...watching tutorials on YouTube. That would be more productive.

As you null over the thought, there's a knock on the door. Or you could answer it, and be useful that way. Leaving the remote where you left it, you shuffle to the door and fiddle with the loose string of your shirt that has been bothering you for the past week. When you pull the door open, you find yourself stunned.

Jade.

You bring a smile to your face, eyes following the nervous, anxious lines along her face. "Can I come in?" she asks, hoarsely.

"Uh, sure, yeah..." She's never asked before, and you wonder. You add a gentle, "Come in," as she brushes past you. The door is then shut, and locked; you remember your mom telling you to do so before she turned in, her mind on the crazy new neighbor across the street. You turn around, finding Jade glaring towards the screen. You didn't think she'd like the show. You ignore it too, settling beside her without ignoring the remote—which you set onto the coffee table over some of Trina's catalogues.

"How are you?"

You barely miss it. Again, she's seldom ever asked you, but you take it greedily anyway.

"I- oh, um...fine." You then try to forget the past few weeks, and then add, "Good, I think." Your eyes dart over towards her, and you think you see a hint of a smile through her slumped figure, hands working together into a ball.

It deepens into a smirk as she asks, "So bashing Ryder in front of everybody helped?" You give a laugh at that, recalling how small he looked at the side of the stage, even compared to Robbie.

With that embedded in the forefront of your mind, you nod. "Yeah. I guess so."

"Wouldn't be the first time." The smile across your lips falters, and you frown. For conformation, you glance briefly at her, only to find a familiar, scheming glint in her eyes. It wasn't violent, or even wicked by any means, but an idea was definitely brewing in the back of Jade's mind. You slump over, nervously rubbing the back of your neck. She did this on purpose, and it wasn't fair. _We're not going to talk about this..._ floats amongst your thoughts and you can't help but close your eyes.

That night comes quickly, whether you liked it or not. Hot breaths, a cold room and your noisy bed comes to mind first. And then all the other pieces you clung onto, despite Jade's wishes.

Which she obviously threw out the window too.

But, even so, you mutter, "You said we weren't going to talk about it." Jade is silent, and for once this week you don't want her to be so. "Jade," you try again, opening your eyes and looking at her, "why are you here?"

"Do you want the truth or me to ask about him again?"

 _You..._ It's shameful, honestly, that your answer came so quickly. Your frown creases more, and you can't help but drift your eyes away again. You're in the middle of a tug-o-war that you didn't know started until now. And you only have a few seconds to decide which'll win. Great.

Or, maybe, you'll have a helping hand hold your cheek. Her thumb grazes your chin as you look at her; Jade is almost eerily calm and collected, but her eyes tell a different story. Something's lurking there, in her gaze, and you want to know. "Jade...you said—"

"So I lied."

 _Lied...like that's the problem._ "But," you stutter, "but _Beck_."

"I know," she answers quietly, "but he's out of the picture."

"What?"

You heard her. You understood the language she spoke. And yet...you couldn't comprehend. Your cheeks feel as if they've been slapped, from the moment she walked through the door. At least her hand is gentle, so soft against your jaw.

Her voice breaks, and that bewilders you even more. "I couldn't do it anymore, so I broke up with him," she answers. You watch as she takes a breath, the weight of her confession still heavy on her shoulders. "...last week."

You softly shake your head, her palm soft against you. "I, I don't understand. W-why?" You try to contain what hope is blooming vigorously throughout your body, chest pounding and heart fluttering.

She almost chuckles as she says, "Isn't it obvious?"

A laugh springs from you, a smile stretching and arms pulling her closer. Your lips press against hers as you feel hands clutch your hips, tugging you to close the miniscule distance there was. "God Tori," she breathes between kisses, "I never wanted to stop this." You only hum, still holding her close to your chest.

"Oh?"

Jade nods, parting her lips to an open kiss, which you accept with passion. "I want to tear everything off and see what's underneath." You gasp as her hands glide underneath your shirt, a light giggle emitting deep from your throat.

"And what else?"

"Feel you," she grumbles, "and finish what we've already started." There's another string of giggles before you close the gap between the two of you again, not parting for any more words. She doesn't need any. Jade already has you in her hands. And you didn't care how easily she coiled you back in, with a simple knock and lines that seemed to come from a movie (or a romantic porn). See, you never left, not really...

Well, but you do _literally_ when there's footsteps at the top of the stairs. By then, you're a good armlength away from one another, innocently watching the television screen. "I forgot my, oh...Jade?"

She turns around and gives a polite smile. "Hey Mr. Vega."

Your dad blinks towards you. "Oh, yeah her brother has a bunch of friends over and she won't get any sleep... Could she spend the night?"

"Yeah, I have no problem with that," he says. "Well, so long as you two," he adds, grabbing his phone from the piano, "don't stay up too late."

"We won't," you say, but maybe not promise.

"Alright. Goodnight girls."

"Night," the two of you chorus.

You hear his steps disappear down the hall, and back into the master bedroom. A grin is etched across your mouth again as Jade comes up from the side of you, clasping her hands around your waist. She burrows into your neck, pecking just under your ear. "Let's go upstairs," you whisper quietly. "Trina's going to be home sometime from work." Jade stands from the couch, holding a hand out for you to take. And you do, the other quickly switching off the television with your remote.

Both of you don't make any noticeable noises as you slink to your room, closing the door quietly. Your lamp's still on, you forgetting to turn it off after finishing your homework for the weekend. The light jacket on your shoulders is strung to your closet, Jade stripping her shoes away in the meantime. Your parents aren't completely asleep, still shuffling around and talking about whatever. The two of you silently agree that starting _anything_ would arouse attention, and that you didn't need.

Especially since it's Jade, right now, in your room.

Instead, the two of you reacquaint yourselves from under your sheets, on your pillows. Kisses are gentle yet rough, all at once. And even though neither of you plan to get too frisky—yet—her hands are sly. They trail along your back from underneath your shirt, playing with the rim of your bra. You inhale sharply as its undone, almost as if she had barely touched the latch. (But, then again, it wouldn't surprise you if she had to deal with bras far longer than you.)

" _Jade_!" you hiss, glaring down towards devious, green eyes. "What if they come in?" Her smirk says it all, but Jade doesn't say anything. You were proven right when there's a knock on your door.

"Tori? Honey?"

You give Jade a knowing look before sliding off of her. Your mom opens the door, tired eyes drifting to the bed. "Oh, Jade...hi."

"Hello," Jade answers respectfully.

You mom doesn't add anything to that; she never liked Jade anyway. (Her indifference and borderline distaste would infest into blood boiling abhor if she knew what you and Jade were about to do. You decide to deal with that later.) "Honey, I just got a call from Trina. She says she won't be able to take you tomorrow for the rehearsal."

"Oh," you say, casting a glance towards Jade. She's studying her black nails with interest; Jade doesn't really care for your mom either, since there wasn't any kindliness to reciprocate in the first place. "Well, Jade could take me. She got the lead role in it, so she has to be there early too."

"Okay," your mom murmurs slowly. "That's perfect then. Well," she breathes, "goodnight girls. See you tomorrow Tori. And...good job on the part Jade."

"Thanks Mrs. Vega." Your mom nods and shuts the door, walking down the hall for a much needed sleep. You hear a groan from behind you, and turn yourself around. "This is going to be difficult if she's like that."

"Well..."

Jade arched a brow. "What? You think there's a good enough reason for her to hate me?"

"She doesn't _hate_ you. But you did, you know, steal all of my roles."

"I was better anyway."

You roll your eyes. "Called me bitch several times."

Jade chuckles from the base of her throat, sliding against you. "I can still make you mine." You remember why she intrigued you the way she did. Words. They fall so smoothly from her lips as if she never tried at all.

"That," you continue anyway, "and all the times you played with your scissors a _little_ too close." In one swift motion, she's over you, tearing her shirt off and flinging her scissors—which was pocketed at her hip—away. Jade doesn't even blink when there's a _clunk_ on the floor, her hands at the sheets hugging your sides.

You furrow your brows as she studies you, her own expression creased with concentration. Jade shakes her head softly, murmuring, "Not right now." Again, there's something smoldering behind her gaze. You firmly believe that eyes are the windows to the soul, but Jade's have always been fogged, or boarded up. And it's not like you can now see clearly—because...you _can't_ —but you can see the shadows of the gears working behind them, evoking whatever thoughts lurk inside her head.

It doesn't scare you, but you can't exactly say you're at ease.

She leans in, collecting your lips in a fluid motion. You dance with her for a moment, only to push her away. Her thighs hug yours as you throw your shirt away, and then your bra; it was irritating, especially since bras are either off or on, not in between.

Jade's eyes unselfconsciously glide to your chest, ravishing in what she sees. As she busies herself, peppering your chest and breasts with heated kisses, you tear off her own undergarment, and throw it away without care. With her hands roaming your back, confidence sprouts within you. Your hands trail across her stomach, teasing the edge of her naval and jeans. You test the waters, diving your hand in and stroking between her legs.

She cries out in surprise, against your chest.

As you grin, pulling your hand back out, you listen closely outside your room. Nothing. Of course, between you and your parents, there's your closet, a hallway closet and a bathroom. You'd have to be screaming to get some kind of response. But then there's Trina... She won't be home soon, so it won't be a problem, will it?

You giggle once Jade shoves you to your back, and she hovers over you.

You're vulnerable underneath her, as you have been before. With a knot in your throat, you look up into her deep, unsettling eyes that watch you with a wicked grin. She rolls her hips, her hair draping wildly down her bare chest and pale stomach. You reach out and palm her naval, in awe of how soft and smooth her skin actually is. It's like a knight shedding his armor, or an evil witch shrinking from a bloodthirsty dragon to a beautiful woman. Metal and scales to naked flesh.

You lean forward, your hand gliding up to her shoulders without ignoring full breasts first. Your lips become hot coals to her chest, earning enamored groans of pleasure. Once you lean away, you feel her tongue play with the crook of your neck before she nibbles gingerly. And then the sheets are against your back again, legs more entangled with hers. It isn't until your nervous push—albeit small—when her kisses stop.

Jade leans away, hovering over you. "What?" she whispers quietly. You see a spark of fear in her eyes, a rare nervousness that makes your stomach churn uneasily.

"I- I didn't..."

"No, what is it?" she almost snaps, though it isn't violent but eager. And frantic.

You swallow a ball that seems to not go away. "I uh... I've never done this before. Not, er, not all the way. Like...we have but not...not all, _all_ the way. We never, just, finished and—" There's a coolness in her touch as she cups your cheek, to which you lean into.

"Do you not want this?" Jade asks.

"No, no I _do_. I really do, for a really long time. It's just..." You feel your cheeks swarm with red and fervor. "I don't want to fuck it up."

You're too lost in your anxiety to catch her small, delicate smile until it deepens to a smirk. "I can be gentle, you know," she whispers softly, thus proving the point with a tender kiss. Of course, you already knew that. But, your heart flutters as her soothing lips drift away anyhow. You bring a smile of your own to your face, Jade then giving a husky chuckle. She kisses you once again, working her magic as hands rekindled the atmosphere underneath your sheets.

A gasp escapes you as she kneads your chest, feeling you harden against her palm; Jade smirks against your neck, imprinting you with a lipstick stain once she leans away. Her hands travel away from your chest, which are then met with her lips around a nipple. Your hands grip her back, running across the arched line down the middle as she feels your thigh. Legs hook around her waist and arms tighten around her body. As her hand slips in between your legs, you jerk your hips into her fingers.

Jade grins gleefully at your abrupt moan. Her fingers play with the rim of your underwear before ignoring it and...

You moan again, this time more throaty and surprised. Your hips move with her hand, a wave of heat and tingles washing through.

"Fuck Tori," she whines, rubbing her hand against you, the tips of her fingers exploring inside. And then Jade sits up, straddling you again. The sheets that had clung to her back thus far pooled to your thighs. Her hand removed itself from you, lips pressed against the knuckles in thought. Jade hums, playing your nervous stomach like a fiddle.

Lips touch your chest languidly, then trail slowly to your stomach, naval and then...

The last piece of clothing you had was pulled away, discarded across the room without a care. She clambers off of you, hands clutching your knees as she observes your body, top to bottom. The thought that it has changed during your eighteen years comes to mind. Your blush only deepens at her smile. Kisses mark her way along your inner thighs, a hand still clutching a knee while the other across your skittish stomach. Another moan almost blasts out from you, her tongue having dipped teasingly in between your legs. And she does it again, teasingly.

Jade dives in with a groan, bottomless, meadow eyes taking you to what seems to be another world. Trina isn't downstairs, collapsing on the couch after her long shift at work. Your dad and mom aren't sleeping peacefully, only to wake early the next morning for their own jobs. Beck isn't somewhere, still mourning the loss of his recently deceased relationship. Andre isn't taking care of his grandma during another episode, Robbie isn't watching TheSlap videos, nor is Cat snuggling with her large array of stuffed animals, eager to get her sleep for more studying.

No.

It's only you and Jade in the midst of euphoria, minds spinning and bodies wrenching within deep, unearthly meadows. As the heat sails across your skin, you now begin to understand why people have guilt after such pleasure (especially alone...after watching some strange yet satisfying videos); with the way she stares at you, as she works diligently, you want more without any other thought.

" _Fuck,_ " you breathe, your grip on the sheets merciless as another shot of rapture splinters your consciousness. _Jade, fuck, God_ and unintelligible moans seem to be the only words in your vocabulary. This only becomes more pronounced as your body tenses even more, like trying to stuff a balloon in a box much too small, causing it to blow eventually. But, unlike a balloon, the process takes much longer.

And you like that.

 _Really_ like that.

There was another spasm of shots—not quite the ending bliss—before you find the hand that has drawn lopsided circles across your skin. Jade takes yours, and holds it intimately. You stare again, deep into the erotic green eyes of hers. It's then when you can't look any longer, your body finally _popping_ after one perfect flick of a tongue. You ride it all the way through, and Jade made sure of that.

Once you finally collapse onto your bed, your body feeling heavier than an anvil, Jade sits up. She licks herself clean of—well— _you_. (And you can't bear to watch that, so you look at your alarm clock. It reads: _9:16_.)

Warm skin eventually blankets you, her lips slowly peppering your side before landing at your jaw. You hum lowly, the corners of your mouth curling as she presses her thigh between yours. "I'd like to see you like that again," she murmurs against your neck, still plastering kisses against your body.

"Really?" you husk, your voice more rough than you imagined it could ever be.

Deep meadow eyes are over you again, with a sly smirk and a nod. You capture that smirk, a hand around her neck. "Luckily I want it again," you grumble against her lips, to which she chuckles quietly. Her soft laughter spikes to giggles as you turn yourselves over, planting her firmly against your bed. You eagerly strip her of her pants, flinging them from your bed as she throws her underwear away without another thought.

And God damn, this is better than you could imagine.

Would you put a God-like light on her? No. But, you find that your lamp is better suited. She doesn't _need_ a Godly light on her—because she is one, all on her own.

You hesitantly press your knuckles against her, feeling heat drip down your skin. Though you don't know what else to do, and Jade's obviously been waiting for a while. So you work your way between her parted legs, straddling one of her thighs. You start to grind, driving yourself against her as she did to you (because she likes this, right?). She moans softly, gripping your hips as you continue to rock. You ignore your bed whining with the two of you (your dad should _really_ get the legs fixed at some point), too focused on the groans and your name. As the hot feeling builds up again, so does the force and speed you move. Jade dives her head back, emitting another, louder, cry.

Lips attach to her neck, and you find this position better to dig yourself into her. But it's not enough. Your teeth clench as she grits her own, becoming irritated. You're at the brink, but nothing's tipping over.

Except for you when Jade shoves you back to the pillows, mind crazed to have her release. She pounds into you, not gentle as she had promised before. It's rough and frantic. You're too lost in your own world to mind, so when you tremble against her, you still move with her. Jade's thrusts halt vigorously as she quivers, grunting through a moan before collapsing onto you all together. The two of you pant, your hot, humid skin against her own. (She's actually sweating, and you appreciate that. It's like you're a force of nature or something.)

The two of you breathily chuckle against one another, your eyes curiously glancing towards the alarm clock. _9:29_ , it says, and that's not that late...right? You kiss her temple before her lips, hands slowly pressing against her shoulders. Your fingers glide to her tender place, slowly sliding in. She's warm, and wet—just for you.

There's a moment of pure exploration, Jade's lips unmoving against your collarbone. That is, until you find a rough patch, which sends her hips jerking. You find it again, and she groans in pleasure. In her eyes, there's a mischievous glint. You bite your tongue as you grin, pumping your hand slowly.

This is fun, you decide.

And it's early too. Not even ten.

**. . .**

When the sun hits your eyes because you were too busy to close your blinds for the night, that's usually a good sign to wake up. And so you do, blinking begrudgingly into the otherwise dark space that is your room. Your body aches wonderfully, but your eyes don't. When did you go to bed again? Ten-thirty? Ten-forty? Maybe it was eleven-twenty...or twelve. Maybe a few hours ago. Okay, so you really don't know, but it's not bothering you too much.

Wait, what time was it again? Barely eight. It's early, and this time around you don't like it. And while you want to drift back to sleep, her body beside you keeps your eyes open. Her back slinking into your sheets is alluring, something you can't keep your hands off of. You stroke her sides gently, pecking her shoulders until she grumbles in her sleep. That brings a gentle smile to your face.

You decide not to bother her any longer, leaving a gentle kiss on her shoulder before stepping from your bed. As you shuffle through your closet, your eyes flick to the mirror set on the door. There's bruises and some—not a lot nor angry—bite marks that litter your skin. An odd sort of satisfaction comes from looking at them, reliving her touches from memory.

It's also satisfying thinking of the food to fill your hungry stomach. You close your bedroom door gentle behind you, snake to the kitchen without too much noise. Not that it would've mattered: Trina's already working hard in front of the television, her work-out regime in the disc player. As you make your bowl of cereal and a glass of water, she continues to mimic the instructor on the screen.

And when she notices you at the counter, she pauses the video. _Great..._

"Hey there," she greets, standing opposite of you.

"Um...hi?"

"Is Jade here?" You're already uncomfortable, but you continue to eat anyway. With food still in your mouth, and your mom taught you proper manners, you only nod. "Are you two a thing?"

"Er...excuse me?"

"A thing. Like, you know, friends that bone each other."

You glare at her from across the counter. "It's not like that," you argue.

"Uh huh." Her tongue rubs the side of her cheek as her eyebrow arches. Your sister, no matter how many times she sticks her nose in business that's not hers, is an expert at catching gossip, lies and everything in between. "But are you two a thing. Like, a thing _thing_... Isn't she dat—"

"Broke up," you grumble feeling guilt irk your chest. "And what do you mean by a 'thing thing'."

Trina folds her arms, still looking at you with her brow raised. "Like a dating thing." You think about it for a second before she adds, "And don't bother lying. I can tell just by looking at you."

"What?"

"Well, you smell like shit, you didn't even bother to cover your neck," she began to list as you nervously slap a hand to cover dark bruises, "she's wearing your clothes..."

Dumbly, you repeat, "What?" You twist around, your water in your hand as Jade comes up from the top of the stairs. Sure enough, she's wearing the darkest pajamas of yours she could find: grey pants and a KISS t-shirt.

You sip on your water as Trina leaned across the counter. It was a bad idea. "And you two sounded like you were having fun last night." You gag, choke and then dribble some of the water back into the cup all at once. You see? Bad idea.

You give your sister a hearty glare as Jade shuffles into the kitchen, drawn to the coffee maker as a moth would to light. "I don't know," you whisper, even though you know Jade can't hear; she's too tired.

"What do you mean 'I don't know'?"

"I _mean_ I don't know!" you hiss. "We'll figure it out, okay?"

"Figure it out? Seems like you already did last night," Trina scoffs. You roll your eyes, spooning the rest of your cereal into your mouth. Jade comes around the corner with a steaming mug, which she is already sipping out of. By the time she sits down beside you, Trina asks, "Isn't that hot?"

Jade pauses and sets her half-hearted, though effective, glare behind her mug. "Would you like to find out?" Trina doesn't answer, but instead stalks away. It isn't long thereafter when you set your dishes in the sink, going to your room with Jade following.

You turn to her hesitantly. She's pondering to herself—that you know. "What do you want to do?"

"Walk."

For a moment you think before saying, "There's a park down the street...do you want to go?"

"Sure." The two of you then gather clothes to tug on, only casting brief glances towards a naked back to tied shoes. As you shrug on a grey coat that matches the weather blooming outside your window, Jade finds a black sweater in your closet. It's another band one: Metallica. It's actually one that was handed down from Trina, who lost her passion for the band long ago. You rarely wear it anyway, but it fits Jade comfortably. Not her style, perhaps, but it doesn't do her wrong.

From the edge of your bed, you also watch her pull her hair into a ponytail, and then collapse into your desk chair. Her head is in her hands, elbows at her thighs. Immediately you drift to her side. She blinks up at you for a moment, and then your shirt is yanked and lips crushing hers. You manage to respond after finding yourself completely stunned, her hands bringing your jacket closer. And when you part, there's still that look in her eyes.

"Come on," you murmur quietly, "let's get out of here before Trina asks anymore questions." Her smile is there, but it fades quickly. Even so, she trails you with your hand around her wrist.

**. . .**

The chains groan, and you think of your bed with warm cheeks. Neither of you are actually swinging, but gently rocking back-and-forth. She's back on her phone, staring with her eyebrows slanted. Jade, after a moment or two, notices your stare. As you internally scramble to come up with a stupid reason, she hands her phone over. You blink to her curiously. "Just...read it." _So I don't have to_ hangs in the air with it.

**Beck**

You worry at the large bubbles to the left, no responses but they continue anyway. You glance to your side. Jade's staring to the ground, clutching her biceps. Her sways have completely stopped now. You bring the screen to your attention again. They're all over the course of the past week, some a couple of hours set in between, others days.

 **** _10:23pm_ : __  
Jade... im sorry for kicking u  
out of my car. im not taking  
back what i said, but i think  
we should talk anyway

 _ **7:04am**_ **:**  
look, i know you don't want  
to talk and i guess i get it.  
but what do we tell the rest?  
do we tell them were over  
or what? pls txt me back

 _ **7:47pm**_ **:**  
Jade pls lets talk. i want to  
know why. u didnt tell me  
before and i need to know.

 **** _7:52pm_ :  
i know you dont feel the  
same anymore but i still  
need to know why. pls stop  
ignoring my calls Jade

 **** _6:59am_ :  
can we talk today? i hate  
pretending at school and  
not saying anything. and the  
fight yesterday at tori's,  
im sorry. but still, can we talk?

 **** _7:01am_ :  
im just so confused because u  
cheated on me with her and then  
youre bitchy to her about the  
ryder thing...  


You pause for a moment, blinking away what's burning in your eyes. It's definitely guilt, but there's confusion too. You wonder, had you not been disheartened with the rest of the gang around you, relaying exactly what Robbie had found, what you would've found if you paid close enough attention. Your brain scrabbles for anything _wrong_ with the school's power couple throughout the week; you're quickly disappointed—with yourself. There's a whole stack of them. A large mound of issues and inconsistencies laced throughout the cracks of their broken relationship. And you were the cause of it. Maybe just you, but it only takes two to tango, crushing what was already there.

You read on because it's your obligation.

 **** _4:47pm_ :  
pls forgive me Jade, but i told  
Cat. not everything...i didn't tell  
her about that night, but i needed  
some answers and she knows u  
well. she didn't know about this..  
at all, but she told me to give you  
time cause you always talk after  
a while

 **** _4:48pm_ :  
so ill just say this one thing  


 **** _4:48pm_ :  
i still love u, and will for a while.  
im not going to do anything, because  
i do. i read somewhere that there  
are people u spend the rest of  
your lives with, and others that  
lead u to them. i don't know if  
that's the case with tori, but i hope  
so. shes nice to you and i know u  
like her...maybe love, idk

 **** _4:49pm_ :  
but what i really want to say is  
that u have a heart of gold, Jade.  
i dont think you meant to hurt anyone,  
but you hurt me. it fucking hurts, but  
maybe that' ok. even though its been  
a few months since u did it, u still  
told me, and i respect that. a lot.

 **** _4:49pm_ :  
i know you wont listen to me now,  
and its really hard to type this and  
not txt you again, but youre not a bad  
person...which is why istill love you,  
and i hope she does/will too  


You swallow, and remove yourself from the conversation—if you could call it that. And then you notice Cat's ignored messages, which haven't even been read yet. Without a thought, you click.

**Cat**

****_5:03pm_ :  
Why are you ignoring my  
calls

 **** _5:03pm_ :  
Jade, pls tell me Becks lying and its  
some prank like my brother  


 **** _5:04pm_ :  
Jade pls I'm crying. Pls tell me youre  
still together  


 **** _5:17pm_ :  
Stop ignoring me, can we talk?!  
I wont tell anybody, I swear  


You turn off the phone. For one, there isn't anything left to look at, and you don't want to either. You sit there, just as numb as Jade. Your throat's dry as you mumble, "Cat—"

"I know, I saw yesterday," she cuts across in a strangled whisper.

Your head nods slowly for you. There's a short, fleeting idea that controls your conscious, barely there long enough for you to blink. But it still leaves a lasting impression. "Jade...? Do you—" You can't get it out without choking on your breath. "Do you wish you can take back that night?"

She purses her lips, staring off across the street to the empty driveway of a house. Fears start to bubble under your skin, even though you think you may deserve it. No—you definitely do. But she bobs her head gently, eyes flying to yours. "No. No, I never did," Jade answers. "I wanted to go back to that night several times. I...I _loved_ every moment—wouldn't change it for the world. Which is why," she exhales, sinking into your black sweater, "which is why I wanted it again. So last night, I wanted to see if you were still there."

A weary smile plants itself on your face before you could help it. The two of you keep your silence, pondering over the pure insanity that has spawned in this dilemma of yours. Quick glances to bed sheets, and then guilt...texts.

"I can't talk to them."

It's a whimper, and you immediately snap to her. "Hey," you whisper, "we'll give it a little time and then talk." Jade doesn't look convinced, so you get to the sand, and you're standing on your knees in front of her. With your hands around her wrists, you say, "Jade...I'm just as guilty as you are, okay? It was my house, my room...my bed... We'll be fine, he'll be fine and she'll be fine. We'll just...take it slow."

Her hand gingerly reaches for your cheek as her eyes grow glassy. "I don't know what it is about you Tori, but I can't stop myself."

"Then don't," you sigh. Jade leans off of the swing and over your lap, lips briefly pecking yours. She sinks to your neck, and holds you tightly. You seal the embrace warmly, closing your eyes and pressing a soft kiss to her shoulder. "We'll get through this, all of us, okay?" There isn't a verbal answer, but you know she's hopeful. And you'll do anything to live up to that, won't you?

At the meantime, however, the two of you sit, curled into one another at an empty playground. The day will pass like any other, but now your hands will be joined with hers.

It's worth everything, and you wouldn't take anything back.

Not unless Jade remains in your arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I love 2nd-Person now... Definitely will come out with more stuff with it.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!  
> :)


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